I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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