she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
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Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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