Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
