My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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