It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
