Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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