Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
