Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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