I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
