her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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