The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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