I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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