he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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