Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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