jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
