He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
