I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
