you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
