Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
