I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
