we have officially lost it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
