I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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