how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
