Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
