I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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