Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
