he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
