remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
