My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
