I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
