Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS