I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.