I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's