Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures