well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.