I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son