Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
