smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
