I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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