How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
