Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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