i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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