Whod you bang
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
