I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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