Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we're so committed to being not committed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
