I think my fart just growled at me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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