Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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