i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
