The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
