everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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