note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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