i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
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When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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