make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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