Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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