Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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