I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
