Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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