Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
