i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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