The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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