hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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