the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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