what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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