You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
