Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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