I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
