Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
