Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
