forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just threw up on my dentist
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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