Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
