To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
