I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
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I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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