Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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