This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
