I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
