Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
