i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
