Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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