I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
