yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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