I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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