I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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