I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
