Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
