i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
