I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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