We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
