I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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